over and over again

it hits me.
my grandmother's death.
i still can't always say that. when i'm talking to people, i just say i had to go home for a bit. i never tell them all of this

When i'm reading a book, or riding the bus, sitting in bed, or singing a song, it hits me. Out of nowhere. And sometimes it is gone again in a few seconds, and other times i need to step out for a little bit.

i had my first real cry the other night. an all out sob to four open ears and two open hearts. i thought hope would make it easier, but i don't think i can fully grasp that yet.

Reading Tuesdays With Morrie makes me feel better about this whole "grieving" thing. It's okay to be sad and let the sadness run it's course. then accept it, set it aside, and replace the space with hope, and pure love.

i'm not sure how long it will take, but just so you know: most of the time, i really am doing okay.

i just miss my grandmother.