hello me, where did you go?

today i realized i have forgotten how to be a person.

and this was a long time coming. i'm not sure how it happened, or where. but i just kinda...stopped. i stopped saying things i normally would. stopped speaking up and out. i started getting self-conscious. i started biting my tongue and swallowing my giggles. i started getting nervous and began to doubt.

just a little at a time.

and all of a sudden i was trying to have a conversation and i realized i didn't really know how. i was watching everyone around me be so clever and quick witted. i watched them say silly or stupid things unabashedly. i watched others lap it up and bark out their own replies. and i watched. and wished i could chime in, but i had nothing to say. and it made me real sad.

so i left the house later and i just decided i would blab all night. to anyone and everyone. just say whatever i wanted. even if it was just purring, because i seem to be doing a lot of that lately. and you know what? i had fun. i felt good.

and now i feel relieved. i'm still a person. still a person somewhere inside of myself.

spring time goal to add to the list:
find myself again and be a person all the time.