the gamble

This past weekend Travis and I moved out of the suburbs and into Chicago.

After a late night of packing (until 1:30pm) and an early morning of loading a moving van (5:00am), and then unloading the van, and then taking a train and returning our keys and packing up a car full of more stuff, we were extremely exhausted.

So we decided to go to the casino.

Travis found a $100 chip for the casino in Aurora. It was on the way out of town. We took down 5 numbers off of a receipt in the car, and decided to pull up, go inside, put that $100 chip down on those numbers, and then walk away no matter what happened.

Turns out it was our lucky day, because this is what happened:

(We won $700. I decided to hold my half of the winnings up with the return of the security deposit. Felt like such a BALLA! HOLLA!)

thinking about time

Today is the 3rd anniversary of the day my gram died. I held her hand as she went, and that is a moment that will never leave me. Grief still comes in waves. I know that that everyone's grandmothers die, but mine was one of my very best friends and the absolute best woman I had ever known.

Tonight as I watched the newest episode of Glee, I felt heavy and light at the same time. I thought of a dear friend who harmed herself a lot in high school. I remember her describing how dark she felt, and I remember taking a knife from her and cleaning the blood off her wrists. I remember nights in fear as both of us worried she might take her own life.

As far as I know this friend is doing great now and living a happy life. And I'm glad for that.

I then thought more about my grandmother and the harsh experiences she went through, and her positive attitude and strength and grace that never left her. I think of the nights she went dancing, the gardens she grew, the books she read, all the dessert she ate, and the countries she traveled. My grandmother did not take a day for granted, and I am filled with shame when I think about all the time with her that I took for granted. I would give anything just to have one afternoon with her, to introduce her to Travis, and to hug her.

I guess tonight was an affirmation of the goals I have set for myself this year. I don't want to waste anymore time doing anything halfway. If something is not making me happy or not working, then it needs to change. No wallowing, no lingering. Lots of enjoying and lovely moments and making the best. 

carry on

right now i am loving fun.'s new album some nights. i think this song is very moving, and i am singing it to you my dear friends. if you are ever having a rough time, please read or listen to this. Press play and scroll through the words:

Carry on

Well I woke up to the sound of silence

the cars were cutting like knives in a fist fight

and I found you with a bottle of wine

your head in the curtains

and heart like the fourth of July

You swore and said

We are not

We are not shining stars

This I know

Cause I never said we are

Though I've never been through hell like that

I've closed enough windows

to know you can never look back

If you're lost and alone

Or you're sinking like a stone

Carry on

May your past be the sound

Of your feet upon the ground

Carry on

Carry on, carry on

So I met up with some friends

at the edge of the night

At a bar off 75

And we talked and talked

about how our parents will die

All our neighbours and wives

But I like to think

I can cheat it all

To make up for the times I've been cheated on

And it's nice to know

When I was left for dead

I was found and now I don't roam these streets

I am not the ghost you want of me

My head is on fire

But my legs are fine

Cause after all they are mine

Lay your clothes down on the floor

Close the door

Hold the phone

Show me how

No one’s ever gonna stop us now

Cause we are

We are shining stars

We are invincible

We are who we are

On our darkest day

When we’re miles away

So we’ll come

We will find our way home

Carry on, carry on

balance

I had this morning off at my internship because of the holiday. I still have class tonight, but that left me with a lot of hours to fill. So, I decided to try something new to increase my productivity and satisfy my need to just chill.

I slept in and then gave myself a "start time" for the day. Until that time, I could do whatever I wanted. I could just meander on Facebook and Tumblr, eat breakfast, sleep longer, anything. 

Then, at the start of my day, I set a "fun time #1" and I had to finish certain tasks in the next 1-1.5 hours before I could reward myself with "fun time." 

Then I at the start of fun time, I set a deadline before I would have to get back to productive time. 

And I have been doing this in rotations for the past 6-7 hours. And I must say, so far it is working great! I let myself get my social network business out of the way, so I didn't feel distracted when I started my first session of homework. As a reward for finishing, I played around a little more online, then decided to exercise and shower with the remaining time. That reenergized me, and I was ready for round two of business time, and I got so much done! I made all the phone calls I needed to, packed up things in my room, completed assignments for both of my classes, and did the dishes. During round 2 of fun time I painted my nails and texted friends, and I am about to start round 3 of fun time with a Project Runway rerun.

Now, if only I had this much self control in scheduling myself every day. 

You know what, why not? I will practice and soon every day can be like today!

healthy decisions

Since my word for the year is HEALTH, I have been trying to make the healthy choice in every thing I do:

• Quitting my current part-time job in order to spend more time at the museum for my internship and to focus on school. Even though this is causing some complications, it is more important for me to focus on the things that will lead me to a fulfilling career.
• Going to the laundromat on Saturday afternoon instead of staying home in my pajamas all day. Clean clothes, sheets, and towels just feels better.
• Cutting my hair even though I really want it to be long and beautiful. Hair needs to be cut and trimmed to keep it healthy. Length will come in time, but I do need to make sure I am taking care of my hair first.
• Not eating pixie sticks for dinner even though I really want to. Sometimes when I get really stressed out, all I want to eat is cereal and candy. Travis made me food the other night because he knew I was just going to have cereal for dinner. It is better for me to eat REAL food and healthy food when I am stressed out. Those pixie sticks might make my heart feel a little better, but better food will put me physically and mentally more at ease.
• Packing up the apartment little by little now, because it will save my sanity in three weeks. 

I thought I was going to just trim my hair, but then I ended up cutting off a few inches and trying a new style. Trying new things can give you a healthy does of perspective and a fresh point of view!

intern diary

Sorry I'm slow at updating, but to those of you who read this and do not know already, I am now an intern at the Museum of Contemporary Art Chicago!

It is an amazing museum and one of the top contemporary museums out there. Getting an internship here is kinda a big deal...and I got two. I feel SO blessed every day that I am in the museum. This is the career I want and it feels good to know that and to work towards it.

My first day was kicked off with a tour of the museum - well, a tour of the offices of the museum. I got to meet department heads, curators, tech guys, and the secretaries. I filled out some paper work for the intern coordinator and got my picture taken for my I.D. and the museum "yearbook." I also got a run down of some future projects.

My second day started off with a very exciting meeting with artist Jimmy Robert. He is an emerging contemporary artist and has won quite a few awards in the past few years. He does 2D and 3D art as well as performance. His 2D art is really fascinating because he starts with a 2D image, then turns it into a 3D collage, then scans that 3D collage back into a digital 2D image. Then he prints out that image on super thick paper that is pinned to the wall in the exhibition. Over time the paper curls and it becomes 3D again. Like this: 

For Public Programming, I am in charge of submitting our monthly events to a website and radio station we partner with. I upload our images and audio recordings of events, along with some text about the events, to the website. 

I also compiled materials for the Education Advisory Committee meeting. This meeting happens three times a year, and is an opportunity for the donors and board members to meet with education department members. (Lots of very important people with lots of money!) I gathered the agenda, minutes, and information about various events, and distributed the folders to all members during the meeting. I will be in charge of the program for an artist talk/performance coming up soon, and I'll work the event that day.

The most exciting project I am doing for Public Programming right now is the audio tour mixtapes. For our 1980's exhibition coming up next week, several artists in the exhibition put together playlists of songs from the 80's that have inspired them. I figured out what songs we have the legal rights to, and I have been hunting down the tracks on iTunes and hard copies of cds of the other songs we cannot find online. I'll buy all the songs and then upload them to the iPods that are used for audio tours. The mixtapes are also being played during the exhibition opening and reception.

For Family and Youth programming, I am mostly helping to organize Family Days. I communicate with artists to find out what materials are needed for their family day stations, and work with them to create a floor plan and shopping list. I'll help get the materials and prep them (tomorrow i am painting!) and will help organize the volunteers who will help us run the event. I also put together the e-newsletter that goes out to MCA members to publicize for Family Day. 

So far there are also some pretty great perks:

• a litte blue card that gets me into every museum in the country for free. and i get 4 guests with me. I am hoping to go to NYC before the end of the year. Anyone want to come with me? 
• meetings with all sorts of famous artists and museum people
• invitations to exhibition openings, artist lectures and tours, and special events like first fridays

This is an AMAZING opportunity and I am trying to take advantage of it and attend every meeting and event I can. And hopefully some day this will turn into my job!