So I'm sitting at work.
Bored.
Apparently only a handful of students need an English tutor this summer.
So my task is to create an online APA style guide. But if I work on it all the time every day, I would have finished it weeks ago. And now I'd have even more time on my hands.
Only one more test and my independent study class is finished. At last.
And I can get back to my books.
And feasting upon those glorious words. For pleasure. For two months. Before I return to forcedly and reluctantly reading what I would otherwise find entirely enjoyable. Before I return to my last four months of tests and quizzes and papers that say all the same things. Two months before I dive into the the last four months of my formal undergraduate education. That means I have six months before I have to be a real person in the real world.
Which means I should probably get on the whole "figuring out what I want to do with my life" thing.
I guess I always thought I'd get to college and I would just know what I was supposed to be. Do. Ugh. Marxism. We are what we do. Why are we what we do? Being and doing. That's just one view. But that one view is so engrained in our discourse already. Unconscious and unseperate. "Tell me about yourself..." "Well I'm a teacher../I'm a student...I'm a photographer" "I...do." "I do."
All I really want to do is sit in the sun and read books. Bake. Make people feel good. Color. Get my hands dirty. Go barefoot. Wash dishes in warm water. Decorate my house. Write. Love my friends and family. Love strangers and acquaintances. Dance whenever I feel like it. Burn insence. Explore the wilderness. Explore the world.
What does that make me be? Or is it what I already am?
I'm really cold.
And full of nonsense.
Bored.
Apparently only a handful of students need an English tutor this summer.
So my task is to create an online APA style guide. But if I work on it all the time every day, I would have finished it weeks ago. And now I'd have even more time on my hands.
Only one more test and my independent study class is finished. At last.
And I can get back to my books.
And feasting upon those glorious words. For pleasure. For two months. Before I return to forcedly and reluctantly reading what I would otherwise find entirely enjoyable. Before I return to my last four months of tests and quizzes and papers that say all the same things. Two months before I dive into the the last four months of my formal undergraduate education. That means I have six months before I have to be a real person in the real world.
Which means I should probably get on the whole "figuring out what I want to do with my life" thing.
I guess I always thought I'd get to college and I would just know what I was supposed to be. Do. Ugh. Marxism. We are what we do. Why are we what we do? Being and doing. That's just one view. But that one view is so engrained in our discourse already. Unconscious and unseperate. "Tell me about yourself..." "Well I'm a teacher../I'm a student...I'm a photographer" "I...do." "I do."
All I really want to do is sit in the sun and read books. Bake. Make people feel good. Color. Get my hands dirty. Go barefoot. Wash dishes in warm water. Decorate my house. Write. Love my friends and family. Love strangers and acquaintances. Dance whenever I feel like it. Burn insence. Explore the wilderness. Explore the world.
What does that make me be? Or is it what I already am?
I'm really cold.
And full of nonsense.
3 comments:
Random quote I thought of while reading your blog:
"As the Christian tradition sees it, each one of us is a unique word that is spoken, or a unique way of saying the one eternal Word of God. Each one of us is a word, and we beomce the word that we are by our response to all the other words around us, human or otherwise...If the word is in the process of being spoken, you can never really say it's finished. In a certain sense, the word is completed with my death, when all that I have made of my life is rounded off. But heaven is not a static state, but a dynamic experience of moving deeper and deeper into the ultimate, and the ultimate can never be completely discovered."
I don't know how relevant it is, but that's what I thought of.
Haha I just wanted to let you know that I love you. I have to do a ton of work with APA in my job as well at school as a TA. I feel your pain. Anyways I love you a ton and I know you´ll find an amazing career path without someone named Karl´s help. haha Dios te bendiga
Erika,
I am reading "Jude the Obscure" by Thomas Hardy this Summer and it is really great. As for your career situation, just let life happen! I mean, get a job and what not, but don't forget to walk barefoot and dance and wash dishes with warm water, too! Just let life come atchya! That's my advice.
Love, Wallace
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