i've been super stressed and overwhelmed with decisions flying at me the past few weeks. and i finally know what i want:
okay, so i know i can't actually just travel and dance and make a cute little movie out of it, and make a life of it. BUT, i do know, more than anything, what is NOT in store for me in the next year or so. I know I'm not supposed to be in the US! I just know it! Sorry Mom, no GRE's, no California or Utah, no Louisiana or New York. I can just feel that now is my time to get out and see the world.
You see, knowing what's not in store is easier. We define things by what they are not (thanks Kenneth Burke!). The table is what it is, because it is not a chair or the floor or any other object in the room. Funny though, the negative isn't even a natural thing -- it's purely man-made for our defining purposes; it's how we make sense of our world. Even when we are describing a not, we say "It is not." Here's an example of the positive, not the negative, in nature. It is 72 degrees outside. Or, it is 73 degrees. It can never be just not 72 degrees, because not 72 degrees would mean it must be some other degrees. So when I say I know what I'm not supposed to do, it opens the doors for all the other available options.
In terms of people, she is kind because she is not unkind. And he is African because he is not from Asia, or America, or Europe, or any other place. And I am who I am because I am not a whole nother realm. So, if I've not been around the world, who or what does that make me? And if I go those places, and eliminate that not, what happens?
Anyway, I think what scares me most is going off by myself. Finding an excuse to see the world, and actually doing it would be so much easier with another person at my side. But, I can't expect or count on that happening.
I want to travel and see all the wonderful faces of the world. I want to smell the crazy smells, and eat foods that will probably disrupt my tender digestive system. I want to see years of goodness in peoples' faces, to see their sorrow, and to learn what it is to love. I want to step foot on all of God's good lands, and dance!
I want to dance for joy, to dance to feel my body move! To be awake and alive!
4 comments:
Erika, there is no possible way to explain to you what that video did to my heart, because I'm still reeling from the experience myself. I was tearing up and laughing my head off and holding my hands to my chest and saying, 'Yes, Exactly!'
And I about broke down in tears for the one in Cologne - because I have stood in that exact same spot.
And I want to stand in all the other spots, too, so horribly badly that I can't believe I'm stuck here for a whole year.
Thanks for putting your bellows to my Wanderlust. May our international paths cross.
take me with you!!! i have never been out of this country and im dying to go somewhere, anywhere!!!
i love this. and i love you.
go everywhere and enjoy being you, fricka.. gracie...erika :)
Awesome! My grandma calls it wanderers lust or travelers dust or something. We all have it, and sometimes when it gets to an all time high, we have to empty our shoes! Good luck! Dont give up!
you can do anything, your awesome!
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